I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize