I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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