Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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