that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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