She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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