Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
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I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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