The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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