Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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