im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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