Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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