you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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