Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
home. puking in laundry basket.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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