it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
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You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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