Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
the raccoons are back...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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