apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize