My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize