if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
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He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So much rum. So many feels.
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I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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