Ambien. No doubt about it.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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