maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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