I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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