remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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