I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
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Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
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He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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