Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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