you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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