okay pat passed out under dana's car
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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