Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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