i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
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Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
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My liver just had a heart attack.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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