I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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