i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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