so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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