I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
as a side note pls kill me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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