so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
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Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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