I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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