I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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