i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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