I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
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my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
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Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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