I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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