mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
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