when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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