I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
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You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
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My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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