i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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