We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
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I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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