you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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