great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize