Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize