for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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