She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
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I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
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I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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