rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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