The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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