This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
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He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
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Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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